


Rick and an Alien Walk into a Bar and the Rest We can All Guess from There

by twentyfourshreds



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Other, Youngerish Rick Sanchez, before most things i guess, don't know why but i do, goo monsters, i love goo aliens, random alien oc, rick is a horny man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentyfourshreds/pseuds/twentyfourshreds
Summary: Rick worked as a runner in his past, and sometimes money wasn't much compensation.
Relationships: Rick Sanchez / Alien
Kudos: 4





	Rick and an Alien Walk into a Bar and the Rest We can All Guess from There

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to fulfil a certain need I developed at the time of writing, and I guess Rick fucking any alien that was consenting enough was the result. Thankfully, you don't have to sit through the full experience.

He recounted the steps it took from the door to the ship. He could feel the blood crusting on his skin as he waited for the clear; watching long low figures scuttle to and fro between himself and the piece of shit he called a ship. The gun pulsed with latent energy in his hand, violet haze painting his clothes in pastels and shadows.

He grimaced and tried to tuck the weapon behind him to dampen the glow, but the light was just the same. He clutched the egg to his chest feeling the life pulse inside of it as his own heartbeat erratically under his ribs. A high whistle rang down the hall and he looked back as the large and throbbing shape of the buildings security system tumbled into the other end of the hallway. His eyes widened, the adrenaline rush pushing sweat and tremors through his hands.

He raised the gun and shot at the shape, the sickly mass congealed to the ceiling and kept moving. He paled, switching the gun to the hand that held the egg and slammed his shoulder against the door to the outside, the long low creatures began to swarm into the building, screeching and chittering as they flooded the hall and began to batter the security system. He dashed over the bodies of the scaly creatures, they snapped at his heels and ankles as he bolted to ship. Pumping his free arm wildly, and clutching the egg to his chest as tightly as he could, he wondered how he could gain the best of the deal.

He needed something to compensate for everything-- money of course, and a favour, possibly a debt if he could stretch it enough.

His thoughts were pulled into the present as he reached the pile of junk and flung the egg, the gun, and finally himself inside. He slammed the door shut and picked up the egg from where he tossed it onto the passenger seat. Gently he placed it in his lap and crossed his legs in the small pace he had underneath the wheel, cradling the shimmering egg in the steady 35-degree warmth emanating from his body.

The trip to the meeting place was quiet, the steady whirr of instruments and the gentle thrum and warmth of life led him to relax, the thrill of the chase now left behind on that pale, yellow planet.

He came to a drive-in diner situated on the underside of a meteor and parked on a crest just a few paces away from the door. He grabbed the egg and strolled inside, looking for an empty booth. He found one tucked by the bathrooms and took a seat in the cracking and faded upholstery. A tall eyestalk attached to a short body and even shorter limbs, with a data card in one tiny hand, coffee pitcher balanced on two fingers of the other, asked for his order.

"The hardest alcohol you offer, and the side order of the pancakes," He grumbled, subconsciously putting his arm around the egg. The alien grabbed an empty cup from the table and filled it with coffee, returning behind the counter and giving a lazy stare as it read out the order to others behind the bar. The quiet clink of utensils against the cheap ceramic dishes, some slow tune drifting from the even cheaper speaker system, and the sizzling of the grill were the only sounds in the diner. The same alien came back with a glass of a translucent red liquid and a small stack of pancakes, in a rather short time. He was left to enjoy his meal before his dealer came in. He placed a napkin in his lap, picked some utensils from the basket by the window and a syrup bottle and pressed his knife into the fluffy, sweet breakfast just as the door opened.

The diner went silent, patrons, waitstaff, and cooks alike turned heads and eyes to the door. The music was somehow even more muffled than before. A tall oozing figure slipped in through the door, the translucent black goo staining the floor where it stood. The door closed behind it with a loud clang and everyone in the room went back to their business as the figure's head swivelled left and right, it's several eyes searching the diner for someone or something. They all focused on him, as he stared back over a glassful of the red drink which tasted like some familiar flower he didn't care to name.

The figure approached him, and sat across from him in the booth, towering over him still as he set down his drink, still refusing to break eye contact. The figure gurgled a greeting: "May the many moons rise over your grave, Rick Sanchez."

"Yeah, and the three suns bleach your memories." He replied in custom, cutting up a slice of pancake and stuffing it neatly into his mouth.

The creature hummed in response, the eyes swirling in the goo of its body. A different server came forwards, legs nervously clicking on the grimy floor. 

Before the centipede creature could speak the figure stated, "Ten boxes of your sharpest teeth sticks."

The creature nodded, mandibles dripping green venom as it scurried to the backroom in search for the requested toothpicks. The figure leaned closer to Rick, looming over the table, goo slipping off the chin of the figure. Half of the eyes were focused on him, a few others were trained on the egg beside him, studying it, and the rest watched the others in the diner. "You're a good human, Rick Sanchez, this appreciates it."

The figure reached an arm into its chest and pulled out a long oblong package, and set it on the table in front of Rick's plate. "Yellow, and warm, just as requested."

The figure focused all its eyes on him as Rick placed the egg in front of the creature. The centipede creature stacked ten boxes on the table and left them to their deal, it wasn't the first to pass under the roof, and surely wouldn't be the last. The figure lifted the egg, eyes trained on the shape as it pushed it into its chest, and then it grabbed a box of toothpicks and pinched a few in its fingers and shoved them into the goo of its face. Rick turned to his pancakes.

The two ate in quiet, and Rick found that as he finished his pancakes and the flowery drink more and more eyes were trained on him. He placed his utensils on the plate and pat his face with the napkin from his lap. After folding it neatly he placed it onto his plate and then grabbed the oblong tube and stuffed it in a coat pocket. He then reached for the coffee, it was now cold, but he felt obligated to drink it.

The figure was on its last box of toothpicks, Rick could see the egg in the chest of the figure, the toothpicks sitting neatly below the egg surrounded by a darker goo.

"Now," Rick cleared his throat, "What else do you have for me, you promised me money or something just as valuable."

Rick hoped it was money, he felt it was much better than what someone like the figure could offer unless they went out of their way to do something for him. The creature stuffed the remaining toothpicks in its mouth and with a wet pop pulled the egg back from their chest passing the valuable object to a short creature and turned the creature to face them, "Put the child into this' ship." 

The figure smeared a hand around the short creature's face covering its senses and it slowly walked out of the door to a low-lying white craft. Rick just watched, waiting.

The creature reached out a hand, the ooze dripping onto the table, and placed it on Rick's shoulder. It gurgled once more.

"This thinks what this can offer is much more valuable than money, Rick Sanchez. This can do anything and everything, just give this any time or date and this will come." Half of the figure's eyes swirled, and Rick now assumed that was their attempt at a wink.

He put together what the creature offered, and it made his heart beat faster with the prospect. Everything rested in his hands now and he knew exactly what he wanted to do with this power.

"Anything and everything..." He repeated, mulling it over for dramatic effect. The figure's hand slid from his shoulder pressing on his chest. They leaned closer to him, almost touching his nose with their slime.

"Yes, anything," figure assured.

"If so, is it safe to believe- to assume I get a trial, seeing if your offer is up to what I expect and desire." He pressed the figure, wanting to milk this as much as possible, his eyes narrowed as he felt excitement fill his chest.

"Of course, when would you like it, Rick Sanchez?" They asked plainly, eyes following him as he stood.

He took the figure's hand from his chest, the goo warm and slick.

"Right here, right- right now, in the bathroom." He began pulling the figure towards the bathroom, choosing a sign with a bipedal figure close enough to both of their bodies. He pulled the two of them into the cramped room, locking the door and smiling at the wood as his back was turned to the figure. It gurgled, stooping low to leave a slime trail down the side of Rick's face, and he knew this was gonna be a hell of a great deal. He felt the figure's arms wrap around his waist, and he thought to himself if he could get the figure to pay for his breakfast this deal could even be almost perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
